Complacency is the enemy

We all know that practice makes perfect. There's various figures bandied about on how many times one has to repeat an activity before we get better at it. 100, 1000, 1000000!

But sheer repetition does nothing except dull the senses, enfeeble the mind and waste time. 

It is not enough to be 'going through the motions', we need to be actively engaged with them, monitoring our performance and tweaking slightly for improvement with each repetition. Only when we are passionate about moving forward will those repetitions bring us towards perfection.

This is as much true about learning how to ride a bike, or master a piano concerto as it is about being a better parent, or a more environmentally aware individual or... finding the stillness at our centre.

I have spent a few weeks with my calm having gone walkabout without me. (How inconsiderate of it!) I couldn't think that I had changed anything in my life significantly but I felt discombobulated (totally awesome word, add it to your vocab post-haste); disconcerted and off-balance. 

I ran through my checklist. 

• Was I still taking time out in stressful moments to do some deep breathing? Yes.
• Was I engaging in regular exercise to clear out the cobwebs? Yes.
• Was I doing regular creative activities to refill my happy place? Yes.
• Was I connecting with friends and family? Yes, though this felt draining rather than energising.
• Was I taking the time to express gratitude? Yes.
• Was I making sure to not personally take on responsibility for things I couldn't control? Yes.

Ok, so all my usual triggers were being avoided and my usual calming measures were in place. What was up?

Me. I was the problem. I was just phoning it in. Going through the motions. Getting distinctly half-assed. I had taken my stillness search for granted and was paying the price.

My deep breathing was more the snorting of an angry bull: I wasn't thinking about calming myself down, I was using those 5-10 deep breaths to carefully compose the ultimate acerbic response to the situation.

My exercise periods have been more about yelling at the kids about how we're late for school and less about enjoying my body moving and relishing the segue of the seasons outside.

My creative activities were actually more a memory than a reality and only engaged in sporadically.

I didn't feel I had anything meaningful to talk about with my friends and family and the conversations as a result felt forced.

My gratitude practice had become glib, or self deprecating.

The demarcation between things within my sphere of control had disintegrated into a general avoidance of responsibility, rather than an actual considered choice.

Is this a painful realisation? You bet! I feel guilty for having let it all slip so far. And yet... and yet, it is also freeing, liberating, a joyful discovery! I am as passionate about finding my daily way to stillness as ever, and now I have a way to reclaim it. 

Time to be mindful once again about my activities, and remember their purpose. Complacency is the enemy.

My challenge to you: what have you become complacent about? Where could you also be more mindful?

You are not the weather

Inspirational image from the wonderful Project Happiness.

One of the fastest paths away from stillness is to tie ourselves up in the events around us. We place our self worth on our accomplishments (even though our goals might be counterproductive). Our anxiety levels skyrocket when we spend time anticipating trouble to come. Depression drags us down when we think we've failed.

But these events are not us.

We might experience depression. We might have an anxiety disorder. We might have diabetes, or a broken leg; one of our roles may be a single parent, or a rocket scientist; we might be heavier or skinnier than we'd like; we might be busy to extremes, or bored to eternity; or maybe we feel ordinary, normal.

But while we have these things, or we have those roles, or we have that number on the scales or on the clock... they are not us. They do not define us. Not only are we so much more than those aspects, those aspects can and do change. Likewise for the events around us. We are not a failure just because that one project didn't go to plan. We are not a superhero just because we managed to put our undies on over the top of our pants.

We are not the events we participate in. We are not the facets of our lives.

We are more. So much more.

This means you. Yes, you. You are made up of the stuff of stars. You are not defined by your job, your home life, your successes or your failures.

You are the sky. Everything else - it's just the weather.

Are goals your worst enemy?

We all have goals. Sometimes they're called a Five Year Plan. Sometimes they masquerade as ToDo lists. There are whole systems devoted to managing goals, both personal and professional: Getting Things Done, to Franklin Covey's time management matrix from the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People".

However for many of us, these sorts of systems are harmful. Destructive. Anxiety-inducing. Definitely not good for inner calm!

Goals have set conditions for success. They often have set timeframes to be achieved in. They are not trifles, but usually something we are invested in. They have meaning. We attach our identity to them. We pride ourselves on their accomplishment.

But too often, we don't achieve those goals the way we envisage. We don't get there fast enough. We don't quite finish everything. We get 70% of the goal done in 130% of the time. Disappointment, stress, depression, uncertainty. Frustration!

Fortunately, there is another way. Revelation! Victory!

Focus on the journey and detach ourselves from the goal. 

What does that mean? Let's take a couple of examples:

Old way: "Lose 10kg in six months".
New way: "Make health a priority: monitor portion sizes and join a sporting club to train with."

Old way: "Earn a pay rise by the next performance review"
New way: "What am I passionate about at work? How can I tie it to the company focus?"

Sure, the goals all follow the SMART paradigm (another system!), but focussing on the journey means you CANNOT fail. If you enjoy the journey, the goal will naturally achieve itself. You don't have to force yourself to complete the necessary steps to achieve your goal, because the way you're getting there is now just a natural and enjoyable part of your life.

As a result, you become emotionally detached from your goal. The timeframe and the outcomes are less important, leaving you better able to handle any changes that might come your way.

Storms do not last forever

When we are in the midst of a chaotic maelstrom of stress, our body's senses are terribly keen, armed as they are by the flooding wash of adrenalin. Our perception of time warps and seconds feel like hours. Waiting for resolution is an excruciating burden.

Indeed, it seems as if the painful darkness might never end. Our efforts to bring about change feel futile. Hope, that delicate creature, shrinks back into its shell. We struggle to remember a time when all was normal.

And yet, and yet! Once months have inexorably swept past, and we reflect upon the time that was, the darkness seems more grey than black. Those endless days are revealed to be little more than a brief storm in an otherwise calm sea.

We are built to remember the extremes of life: rejoicing in the high points, and left to be swallowed up by the low. But this is a biased view. The sea has little highs and lows as the tide goes in and out and this is most of its life. Occasionally there are storms with huge waves, but these pass, letting the sun shine through, and the tides return to normal. So too with our lives.

So the next time you're wondering how to continue through the terrible, all-encompassing storm, remember that it wasn't always this way, and it won't always continue to be this way. The tides will return to normal

The days are long, but the years are short.

Letting go vs giving up

The start of a new year is always an interesting time. Many people make resolutions; determined to do better than years past. Usually this means doing more. More exercise, more sleep, more socialising, more travel, more reading, more food awareness.

Something I think which should also be considered is doing less. If we didn't fit all those extra 'more' items last year, why do we think we could shoehorn it into this year with any greater success? Willpower alone does not give us a time machine. (More's the pity!)

Doing less is incredibly freeing. It means going through the commitments, responsibilities and expectations you have in your life and giving them a spring cleaning. Hold them up to your sense of self, to your purpose, and see if they still fit. If not, out they go!

This isn't easy. Many of our goals have been with us for a long time. Like old jumpers with the hole in the elbow and the frayed cuff, they are comfortable and cosy. Parting with them feels disloyal somehow, even if they haven't been used in ever so long.

Which brings us to the distinction between 'giving up' and 'letting go'. The result is seemingly the same, but oh there is such a world of distance between them mentally. 

Giving up is a narrowing of world view; a shrinking, a bitter and reluctant rejection of a goal. It implies failure and regret and wasted effort. 

Letting go is an expansion of world view. It allows you to release the goal with a tender parting. It is an acceptance that this thing is not suitable right now. It provides acceptance and appreciation for the effort applied so far. And, most importantly, it allows for the possibility for the goal to be picked up again later on.

What will you let go for this year? What jumpers no longer fit who you want to be? What will you release to make more time for your existing passions?

Self care vs selfish. Is it all about me me me?

So many people I know are terrible at taking care of themselves. They make allowances for others while pushing themselves until their body forcibly makes them stop, by contracting an illness that will not be gainsaid until rest is taken. Sound like you too? Are you prone to months of being wonderfully efficient followed by weeks of feeling stretched thin and then you come down with a wracking cough that wont leave you be?

Of course, one of the drivers for us trying to run a marathon at a sprinters pace is not just the necessities of life; it is our own inability to be aware of our own needs. We think we are being selfish in saying "no" to another task. We think we are already reasonably busy, we can fit something else in. We want to be helpful.

We are doomed!

This is the straw, people. You are the came, and that straw will feel like it weighs more than Jabba the Hutt. (Weird metaphor: Jabba on a camel. But weird is just how I roll) That straw will break your back.

So the key is to manage our own needs against our workload. When is taking time out not selfish but actual self-care? Self care that will let us continue our lives refreshed. The key is in the word "need". Self care is when you need a break, because you are starting to feel out of control or you know you will get sick soon. There is no guilt in looking after yourself: you will be of no use to anyone if you fall apart.

Selfish is when you are taking a break because you want to (vs need to) even though you have other commitments awaiting.

Don't feel guilty if you need a break: that is just good self care.

Too many thoughts: the cure

Holidays are almost upon us. We are supposed to be feeling joyous and full of cheer. Looking forward to a relaxing break, catching up with loved ones, indulging in special foods and anticipating quirky and fun traditions.

I don't know about you, but I feel bruised. I feel all worn out, nerves all spiky. The news is filled with tales of our mankind's collective inhumanity. And while it is just a tortured few who are enacting such terrible deeds, it leaves us feeling anxious and fearful. Anxious that more crazies might follow suit. Fearful that innocent people are now also being targeted for wearing the 'wrong' kind of hat or the 'wrong' colour skin.

Then, too, there are the personal stories all around. Cancer crops up multiple times. Mental health problems. Physical health problems. Young children in intensive care. Alcoholism. Everyone around me feels just one speed bump away from being in crisis.

My heart is bruised. For the people I don't know and those I do. I feel so helpless. Flailing between apathy (because life is full of completely awful things happening all the time) and impotent anger (how have we still not learned how to be nice to one another?).

So helpless. Filled with hopeless helpless useless thoughts.

But... that's exactly the answer, isn't it!

Those thoughts are not useful. Why dwell on things I have no control over? Get on out there and act! React! Spread peace and joy. Smile at my neighbours. Smile at the folks at the shops. Give to a charity. Go for a walk and smell the literal actual physical flowers. Buy a packet of seeds, plant them, then give the seedlings away. Be present to what's right in front of me. Smile and hug my exhausted tearful children because they're not actually out to get me. Walk barefoot in the grass. Dance in my PJs.

Less thoughts. More mindfulness.
Less stress, woe and misery. More joy, laughter and merriment.
Less bruises. More smiles.

Walk tall

We get into the habit of thinking our body is just a shell to carry around our 'selves' in. Something to ply with medication when we are sick, so that we can keep going. Something which irritatingly gets tired, or creaky or sore. We have things to do! How dare it falter?

Now, you savvy Simply Stillness readers will have figured out a long time ago that body and mind are two halves of a whole. When one half feels weary, it's usually because the other half is also a touch worn out.

But there's a trick. (There's always a trick!) We can use this interconnectedness to our advantage. We can help our mind feel better by adjusting our body.

Posture.

When we are tired, we slump and hunch. When we are stressed, our shoulders rise and crunch. When we are anxious, we fidget and twitch. When we are sad, our head droops and sags. When we are angry, we tense up and go rigid. In this, our body is reflecting our mood.

Turn it on its head! If you'd like to ease the burden of unproductive emotions, first attend to your body. Whether sitting or standing, take a deep breath. Elongate your spine until it's feeling comfortably stretched. Imagine a puppet string attached to the top-back of your head, lifting your head slightly back and up, helping you feel light. Drop your shoulders down. Give your pelvis a wiggle until it's no longer slumped forwards or pushing backwards but quietly centered. Shift your weight ever so slightly from foot to foot until you know that your weight is evenly distributed. Eyes up and out.

Be proud to be you! Lift your chin just a skeetch. That's it! Let the world know how awesome you are. (And if you're not feeling awesome, just pretend you're an actor. Your favourite actor. Your favourite actor on the red carpet.) Try a smile. Try a bigger smile.

At this point, one of two things will happen: either your mood will have eased along with its tension, because your body has been reminded of how to relax, or, you will have burst into actual laughter because you feel a little ridiculous attempting to emulate your hero. I'd say no matter what: mission accomplished, mood lifted.

Take a moment: ripples

Stillness and calm. Or do the ripples disrupt it? Or is the stillness made more profound because it absorbs the disturbance?

Take me to my Happy Place!

When trying something difficult, or when having to deal with something unpleasant, we often talk about needing to go to our "happy place". A delightful world where everything is peaceful, calm, sane, rational. Where chocolate is calorie-free, rainbows fill the sky and everyone is happy.

In part, we are acknowledging that what we have to do right now is distasteful. But... what if you did have a happy place you could go to? At any time and anywhere?

I do. Mine is past a gate, up a grassy path and into a cool deep forest. I'm always barefoot so I can feel the moss and grass and leaves underfoot. I can smell the fresh air with that sharp cleanliness it has after a storm. There's a stream through the forest and sometimes I follow it out to a clearing and lie under a willow tree near the bank and dangle my fingers in the water. Sometimes it's sunny and I feel the warmth seeping into my back as I lie there.

You can have one too! Think about an environment which you would feel relaxed in: perhaps it's in front of a cosy fireplace surrounded by shelves of books, perhaps you've just climbed to the top of the mountain and you can survey the world, maybe you're floating in a pool or a pond.

Hold the image in your mind, or write it out so you can help remember it later. After a while you'll have recalled it so many times you won't need any prompts: it will always be there.

I find it helpful to give my happy place a boundary (in my case, the gate), which provides a mental cue to take a deep breath or two and open up my mental senses to my world. The more senses you can involve, the easier it is to maintain the image. I mentioned touch (the moss under bare feet), smell (the fresh air) and of course sight.

You can use this as a meditation aid, or as a place to help you relax as you drift off to sleep, or just somewhere to go when you shut your eyes for a few moments for a quiet mental holiday.

Happy place. Happy place. Happy place!

Losing your cool

You had just one last little frayed nerve. It was hanging on for dear life, but now it's been stompy-squashed and... You. Are. Done.

You've had it. Adrenaline floods your body sending your pulse leaping like a rabbit. The urge to yell and shout and hit things seems almost overwhelming. Hey, The Incredible Hulk grows and turns green when he loses it so a bit of foul language seems almost mild by comparison.

Ideally, of course, we would all have been aware of our increasingly frazzled state and taken steps to calm ourselves down before we snapped. But life is rarely ideal and here we are, ready to murder someone over what was a minor infraction. They just were the straw which broke the camel's back. Rather then inflict grevious bodily harm (too much paperwork, court cases, blood to clean out of the carpet), we need a quick injection of stillness that will let us react rationally.

Do something which "grounds" you.

This might be going outside and touching a tree or grass. Or a potplant, if thats all you have. Living things are relaxing and they dont talk back.

It might be taking 3 deep breaths while wiggling your toes. This sends your thoughts to your feet and away from the emotional heat in your head.

It might be counting backwards from 100 to 80 by 7s: re-engaging the brain with something complicated and getting rational thinking happening again.

And if all else fails, smile. Even a fake grimacing smile can become real: our bodies have the capacity to affect our emotions. Worst case? You'll frighten and confuse your target and they might just back away slowly, terrified of making further eye contact! Win win, I say.

Take a moment: hands

Hands. (No, I'm not giving you the finger). Hands are so expressive. Strong, powerful, while also so fragile and nimble. We use them to protect and defend. We use them to create and heal. We communicate with them, we extend kindness and compassion. They are often the first part of our body which shows our age.

When you look at your hands, what do you see? Hold hands with yourself: show yourself some compassion!

Image credit: Andrew Pescod

More calm than a calm cool cucumber. Or not.

How's your meditation taster challenge going? I confess to limited (but encouraging) success.

Some times of the day I tried were terrible for me!

First thing in the morning was great. Hopped out of bed, spent two minutes meditating and I was ready to face the day with a smile and a spring in my step that would have otherwise taken two cups of sugary tea to accomplish.

Last thing at night also wasn't great. I tended to skimp on the two minutes (which is some feat!) because I just wanted to snuggle into bed and fall asleep.

The start of the evening was manageable but not ideal. It was probably the time I most needed it, but the time at which I struggled the most. My mind was busy with the events of the day and the planning for the morrow. Boy oh boy did it wander when I was trying to stay focussed on my breathing or a calming phrase.

And then there was the time trying to listen to a guides meditation podcast... on double speed... because I didn't set enough time to listen to it properly before needing to get dinner cooked. No such thing as instantaneous meditation but I was trying hard!

Interestingly, I didn't notice a great deal of difference in the types of meditation. They all calmed me and held my attention away from the events of the day.

So now, to ensure I aim for two minutes each morning.

How about you? Feeling inspired? Cooler than a cool cucumber?

Flow: getting practical

Get down to brass tacks. Shoulder to the wheel. Nose to the grindstone. Apply some elbow grease.

However you want to phrase it, it's time to put all that delightful (but perhaps dry) theory into practice. It's time to get flowing!

Pick an activity. Any activity. Doing the dishes. Writing a report for work. Going for a run. Pick something that requires a measure of skill, that lasts for at least ten minutes and (for now) something you can't be interrupted at.

And now we'll get you flowing in that activity. I'm going to use "attending a Yoga class" as an example.

From last time, there were six elements necessary to trigger a flow state. I'm going to look at them now in the context of an actual activity (the Yoga class) and show how you might need to apply the items to get yourself into the zone.

1. Intense concentration in the now

When you start your activity/begin your class, you need to have your attention entirely focussed on what you're doing. No thinking about what you'll have for dinner, or your plans for the weekend or the argument you had last week and the perfect retort you should have used. 

Allow nothing but what you're working on. This is where developing a meditation practice can be handy, to help you gain the skill of pushing distractions away until you're ready to attend to them.

In a Yoga class, as you enter perhaps it would help to bring your thoughts into the present by concentrating as you unroll your mat and take off your shoes. (As you remove your shoes, leave your worries at the door too). For work, perhaps it is coming in to your desk and setting a cuppa by the keyboard. Little rituals to get your mind attentive on the right things.

2. A joining of your actions with your awareness

You can't be trying to do one thing with your mind and another with your body. Make sure you are comfortably able to complete your task: for Yoga this means wearing the right kind of clothing and being mindful of any injuries. For a desk job this might mean ensuring the ergonomics at your desk are correct.

But most of all it means combining your mind and body together. It's easy to get purely mental and forget about our bodies when we are seated at a computer. Likewise, we can leave our mind behind when doing something very physical, like Yoga. The two aspects don't just need to work together, they need to be one single whole. Don't let your mind wander if you're doing something physical. Pay attention to your body if you're doing a mental task.

3. The absence of self-consciousness

You would think this might be obvious. It's really not! If you're fretting about what you look like, how you're performing, what other people think of you, whether you're doing it right... you're splitting your awareness. Instead of just paying attention to your task, you're trying to do your task AND watch yourself at the same time. Talk about brain strain!

Don't worry about any observers. You don't care what they think anyway: you're doing your best and that's all anyone can ever do.

4. The sense of control over the situation

Nothing like feeling helpless to destroy a sense of flow. In many activities, you won't have total control over what you're doing. (In Yoga you might have been instructed on what pose to do next. In work you've been told what report needs to be done) Concentrate on what you do have control over: when you take your breaks, how you begin, what style you'd like to add to your work.

5. The distortion of the sense of time.

Nobody who feels flow ever looks at the clock, wondering why the hands are moving so slowly. If you find yourself clock-watching, you aren't in the zone: you're bored. Find ways to address the boredom by applying greater skill to your activity. This might mean pushing harder, breathing deeper. It might mean concentrating on selecting exactly the right words, or improving your typing speed, or typing accuracy, or seeing how fast you can complete the task.

6. The sense of the activity being intrinsically rewarding.

Even if you're being paid to work, the trick is not to focus on that as the only reason you're doing something. Find something that inherently motivates you, so that you can feel that sense of accomplishment and pride. Obviously my Yoga example is trivial here as the reasons for taking a strengthening/stretching class are clear. For work it might be more difficult. Perhaps you want to take pride in your good work. Perhaps you enjoy working in your team and you've developed a rapport. Perhaps your job lets you travel. Whatever it is, it is personal to you and you need to find your reason.

What makes you turn up, day after day? What makes you feel good at the end of the day?

. . . . .

So the next time you tackle an activity and you want to feel like you'd like to get some Flow happening, think about the items above. Flow can come and go, but once you've tasted it, you know you want to get back to it. A state where you are able to do your best work? Absolutely fabulous!

Take a moment: rainbows

Original image:  Gail Johnson All modifications are mine

5 day taster Meditation Challenge

Are you ready for a succulent banquet of calm?

Get your tastebuds tingling. The challenge information is below. I'll be following the list as given and would love to hear your comments here or on Facebook as to how you're going. I'll be sharing my experiences (good and bad!)

 

Not sure what the meditation types mean? Take a look at the Types of Meditation post which has more information.

Types of Meditation

I have long wanted to include meditation in my daily routine. The benefits to mind, body and spirit are well understood. Relax the mind, release serotonin, rejuvenate the body, heal the spirit. Why, I feel calmer just thinking about it!

However despite a brief stint of morning cups of tea spent outside, I've never been able to establish a meditation routine. Which is where you, gentle reader, come in. Join me! Let's find what works for us, each of us, individually. And then build from there to make it a habit.

So, first step. A taste test! There's more than one kind of meditation. What flavour tastes the best to you?

1. Breathing Meditation
Here you focus on your breath moving in and out of your body. Your breath is used to help keep internal and external distracting thoughts at bay, while simultaneously uniting you with your body. Use all your senses: the temperature of the air going in and out, the sound it makes, visualise your chest rising and falling, feel your body adjusting and relaxing with each breath.

2. Focussed Meditation (image, sound, phrase)
Similar to breath based meditation, only instead of using your breath as an anchor, make use of an image or object (such as the candle from this week's Monday Moment). Or a sound ("om" is popular). Or even a phrase: this could be a positive affirmation ("I am happy") or just a pleasant set of syllables which sound good to you.

Similarly, use all your senses to concentrate on your anchor, and notice the changes it makes to you.

3. Moving Meditation
Some find sitting still difficult to manage (parents of young children may find that attempting to sit still and quiet just makes you a easy-to-locate target). Moving meditation can include something as simple as walking, or Tai Chi, or Yoga.

Focus on the breath, the shift of your body, your center of balance.

4. Mindfulness Meditation (non-directed)
The previous meditation methods have mostly included a specific key to help keep distracting thoughts at bay. There is also mindfulness meditation which has no such anchor. You sit and allow the thoughts to come, but you do not become entangled with them. You notice them, acknowledge them and let them go. There's no need to dwell, or solve a problem. You are there just to observe and see what thoughts are uppermost.

5. Guided Meditation
Meditation can be hard. It's easy to feel like you're "failing" at it. Or that you don't know what you're doing. Guided meditation is helpful here. Someone else provides some guided imagery, possibly with accompanying music. I've greatly enjoyed listening to selected podcasts from Meditation Oasis though I'm sure a search on the internet and YouTube would turn up plenty of options too.

Stay tuned. Coming up, we'll set out a buffet of meditations. A tasting sampler of peacefulness. A chance to find what works best. Onwards, to the future! (Meditation Taster Challenge)

Image credit: Carola Egana

Take a moment: finding a focus

Shawn Carpenter

When outside is all a bit crazy,  go inside to find your inside calm. Something to focus on; moving but still.

Perfection for the impatient: get it NOW!

I'm here to give you instant gratification.

I know, right! We are an instant society, able to purchase things globally and access the vast repository of all human knowledge. Y'know, for the really important stuff like: Does a duck's quack really have no echo? What does "pop goes the weasel" even mean? Why do we write "Xmas" instead of "Christmas"? Could we power the earth using a bunch of Yodas? How many humans per day does a T-Rex need to eat?

(We are, as a side-effect, also a society of instant procrastinators. Now, where was I?)

Bruce Berrien

I'm going to make you perfect. Right now. No waiting.

Think back five years ago. And ten. And fifteen. And twenty. Become your younger self. Recall what you used to imagine life would be like in the future. Recall what you imagined YOU would be like in the future. Chances are, your memories are a little hazy. So to help, think back to important milestones; change points. The end of schooling. Approaching or ending a major holiday. Meeting an important person in your life. The purchase of a car, a house, a pet. Taking up a particularly key role in a job. A major illness for you or someone in your family.

These change points often cause us to reflect and plan. They make us look at our current lives, possibly with dissatisfaction, and help us consider what changes we want to make for the future. Can you remember what you thought back then?

And now, here you are. You've made it through all those past points of anxiety. For each ambition you had in the past, you've either achieved it (hooray!) or decided not to pursue it because something else more important took its place (still hooray!). See? You're feeling more perfect already, I bet.

Imagine your past self meeting you as you are today. What would they think of you? They might not recognise you at first: life has a way of changing your priorities over time. But if you had to explain your decisions, I'm sure your past self would be proud of who you have become. Not just because you have overcome difficult things, but because you have thrived through them.

Compared to your past self, you're perfect!

However, just think... You're not a finished being yet. You aren't frozen in time. Look ahead. Know that there is a future self, who is even more wonderful than you are now. Go forth and be excited about what is yet to come.

You are perfect. You were the most perfect you in the past, you are the best you of all right now, and you will continue to be perfect in the future.

Take a moment: growing old

Rachel Sarai 

What would you like your life to look like when you're old? Who will be around you?  What will you look back on and smile at for time we'll spent? What was really in your bucket list? 

... And what does "being old" mean anyway? 

A delightful Ted talk to inspire you further from author Isabel Allende on Living Passionately  no matter your age.