Storms do not last forever

When we are in the midst of a chaotic maelstrom of stress, our body's senses are terribly keen, armed as they are by the flooding wash of adrenalin. Our perception of time warps and seconds feel like hours. Waiting for resolution is an excruciating burden.

Indeed, it seems as if the painful darkness might never end. Our efforts to bring about change feel futile. Hope, that delicate creature, shrinks back into its shell. We struggle to remember a time when all was normal.

And yet, and yet! Once months have inexorably swept past, and we reflect upon the time that was, the darkness seems more grey than black. Those endless days are revealed to be little more than a brief storm in an otherwise calm sea.

We are built to remember the extremes of life: rejoicing in the high points, and left to be swallowed up by the low. But this is a biased view. The sea has little highs and lows as the tide goes in and out and this is most of its life. Occasionally there are storms with huge waves, but these pass, letting the sun shine through, and the tides return to normal. So too with our lives.

So the next time you're wondering how to continue through the terrible, all-encompassing storm, remember that it wasn't always this way, and it won't always continue to be this way. The tides will return to normal

The days are long, but the years are short.

Letting go vs giving up

The start of a new year is always an interesting time. Many people make resolutions; determined to do better than years past. Usually this means doing more. More exercise, more sleep, more socialising, more travel, more reading, more food awareness.

Something I think which should also be considered is doing less. If we didn't fit all those extra 'more' items last year, why do we think we could shoehorn it into this year with any greater success? Willpower alone does not give us a time machine. (More's the pity!)

Doing less is incredibly freeing. It means going through the commitments, responsibilities and expectations you have in your life and giving them a spring cleaning. Hold them up to your sense of self, to your purpose, and see if they still fit. If not, out they go!

This isn't easy. Many of our goals have been with us for a long time. Like old jumpers with the hole in the elbow and the frayed cuff, they are comfortable and cosy. Parting with them feels disloyal somehow, even if they haven't been used in ever so long.

Which brings us to the distinction between 'giving up' and 'letting go'. The result is seemingly the same, but oh there is such a world of distance between them mentally. 

Giving up is a narrowing of world view; a shrinking, a bitter and reluctant rejection of a goal. It implies failure and regret and wasted effort. 

Letting go is an expansion of world view. It allows you to release the goal with a tender parting. It is an acceptance that this thing is not suitable right now. It provides acceptance and appreciation for the effort applied so far. And, most importantly, it allows for the possibility for the goal to be picked up again later on.

What will you let go for this year? What jumpers no longer fit who you want to be? What will you release to make more time for your existing passions?

Self care vs selfish. Is it all about me me me?

So many people I know are terrible at taking care of themselves. They make allowances for others while pushing themselves until their body forcibly makes them stop, by contracting an illness that will not be gainsaid until rest is taken. Sound like you too? Are you prone to months of being wonderfully efficient followed by weeks of feeling stretched thin and then you come down with a wracking cough that wont leave you be?

Of course, one of the drivers for us trying to run a marathon at a sprinters pace is not just the necessities of life; it is our own inability to be aware of our own needs. We think we are being selfish in saying "no" to another task. We think we are already reasonably busy, we can fit something else in. We want to be helpful.

We are doomed!

This is the straw, people. You are the came, and that straw will feel like it weighs more than Jabba the Hutt. (Weird metaphor: Jabba on a camel. But weird is just how I roll) That straw will break your back.

So the key is to manage our own needs against our workload. When is taking time out not selfish but actual self-care? Self care that will let us continue our lives refreshed. The key is in the word "need". Self care is when you need a break, because you are starting to feel out of control or you know you will get sick soon. There is no guilt in looking after yourself: you will be of no use to anyone if you fall apart.

Selfish is when you are taking a break because you want to (vs need to) even though you have other commitments awaiting.

Don't feel guilty if you need a break: that is just good self care.