Choose your own adventure!

When I was younger,  I read those "Choose Your Own Adventure"  novels. The ones where the hero of the story was faced with a dilemma every few pages: left or right,  talk to the Princess or the Swordswoman,  agree or disagree, fight or flee. I loved those books. I would read them with fingers marking each choice I had made so I could always go back and see what happened in the other choice. (I usually ran out of fingers.)

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Life isn't like that. We don't get to see what the other choice would be like. We only live each moment once. Oh,  the agonies this causes! We get tied up trying to make the right, best, truest of all possible choices. Some of us make lists of pros and cons,  others have endless coffee dates and discussions with friends, or stay awake at night,  mulling over the alternatives. We are imagining our future lives as if our fingers are able to mark the pages.

Sure,  the easy choices are easy. Vanilla ice cream,  or chocolate. (Unless you're 3, in which case this decision is life changing and may take ages to decide) we come unstuck on the hard decisions: the job with more pay but more stress and less family time,  or the job with less pay,  less stress and more family time. Where to buy a house. What country to live in. Return to work after having kids. Change career.

These decisions feel hard because the outcome really matters. They feel hard because the best answer isn't obvious.  They feel hard because the outcomes are significantly different.

At this point most of us float in an acid bath of uncertainty and indecision. We do nothing but think and stress until something removes our choice for us. Perhaps it's just time,  or an irritated spouse,  or you let a friend sway you. This still isn't choosing though.

I say to you that these hard choices are easy. (or at least,  easier than we make it for ourselves). Don't sweat trying to work out the best option: instead look at the outcomes. Look at who you will become if you take option A vs option B. Which one is who you want to be? When your friends or children talk about you,  what do you want them to be proud of? What qualities and values will you espouse?

Then choose. Commit. Set your agency behind your choice. Become who you want to be! This is exciting stuff! No longer are you pushed around by circumstances: you are master of your destiny. Go forth and be!

Choose your own adventure.

Choose. 


This post was inspired by Ruth Chiang's Ted Talk: How to make hard choices. We worth a listen if you want to look at this further.

A fabulous analysis of ten Choose Your Own Adventure books,  for those who wish to relive the 80s through the eyes of an adult.